Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
