I cockslap morals
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The uberlube is also flammable
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
