I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.