I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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