I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
