I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
