Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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