he shaved USA in his pubs
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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