An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
