Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
