Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
