I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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