He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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