next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
