Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
