WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
