You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I need water and some morals
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
