Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I got inside last night via doggy door
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
