Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
