I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
