omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
