The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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