PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
