sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
