She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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