Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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