I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Drunk is not a location!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
