Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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