Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
