I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
