and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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