I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
