She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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