he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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