Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
