Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
