what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
