i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
