im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
19 Movie Extras Reveal What Itâ€™s Like To Work With Celebrities
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him