We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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