Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.

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  (310): Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches. http://tfl.nu/8y2o
  Replies (40) Good night (3102) Bad night (726)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.

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  (519): I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat. http://tfl.nu/eo6a
  Replies (28) Good night (7887) Bad night (850)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?

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  (210): eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life? http://tfl.nu/6stl
  Replies (51) Good night (4492) Bad night (772)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

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  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (182) Good night (52274) Bad night (2086)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.

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  (719): Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest. http://tfl.nu/sb3m
  Replies (41) Good night (4640) Bad night (676)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.

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  (440): Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved. http://tfl.nu/6524
  Replies (7) Good night (950) Bad night (6021)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.

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  (313): We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/ypzc
  Replies (5) Good night (4319) Bad night (832)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore

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  (910): He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore http://tfl.nu/tias
  Replies (6) Good night (1075) Bad night (1293)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys

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  (817): Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys http://tfl.nu/cvux
  Replies (1) Good night (1083) Bad night (434)
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  (805): View more from California

  My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.

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  (805): My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit. http://tfl.nu/alyo
  Replies (9) Good night (1839) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.

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  (310): He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom. http://tfl.nu/v9mc
  Replies (2) Good night (841) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja

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  (206): Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja http://tfl.nu/m2bw
  Replies (3) Good night (260) Bad night (857)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico

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  (651): Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico http://tfl.nu/a33d
  Replies (0) Good night (371) Bad night (241)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.

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  (619): This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for. http://tfl.nu/6gu4
  Replies (3) Good night (229) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.

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  (630): Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat. http://tfl.nu/hcfg
  Replies (1) Good night (298) Bad night (586)

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