allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.