so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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