Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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