I heard we made out
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
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Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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