i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
