I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
