Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
