i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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