we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
