Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
