Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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