My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
