Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
