i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
