I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
