just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
