A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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