Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
