either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
