Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
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Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
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I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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