There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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