So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize