Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
