I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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