I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
