I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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