He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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