He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it's like iHOP with fire
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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