My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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