you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
