New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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