SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
