Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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