Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This is classic penis vs brain.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dear god my vagina.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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